Randomness, maybe can be turned to Goodness

[DarkInfinity]

Maybe a long story (also known as a novel) about 7 characters who battled their ways through ACTUAL D2 Acts with Actual Quests and stuff like that.
I was bored at Chemistry so I ramdomly thought of the beginning movie, or really, the preview one in Starcraft, and wrote down this:

After defeating Diablo in the town of Tristrum, I found safety and haven in that dusty old town, a home, as many would call it.

But then the nightmares started, the very images of the battles and creatures of terror I encountered under that very dungeon came back to haunt me in the form of dreams. Nights became restless, and my trepidation began to increase, I knew I simply cannot stay at Tristrum, I had to get away from it all.

As the town of Tristrum disappeared from my horizon, I hope to find peace as I travel with a trading caravan. I had no where to go, no home to return to, no family to see, I had simply lost all sense of direction. A question lingers in my mind : Where will I go?

The nightmares did not lessen as I had hoped, and the very images still haunt me as though as they were happening around me, again. I can simply not go on, I am on the edge of sanity, I will go mad soon.

After the caravan's stop, I began wandering. To where? You might ask, for I myself still find the question unanswerable.

The nightmares worsened as minutes, seconds go by, and I simply could not bare it. Maybe it was the soulstone of Diablo that I carried with me, for it locked the very existence of the Lord of Terror within, very haunting, yet filled all men close to it with a lust toward power and domination.

As I edge closer toward the Sightless Eyes, the very encampment of the Rogues, I recognized my direction, it was the East. From that time on, I knew it will always be East, always.

And I fear much, and the fear had came true, the dreams had foretold it. We have all being tricked by Diablo, the Lord of Terror, for Tristrum was merely a ruse, a guile, to a greater quest and goal. I can feel the lust for power strengthen at every passing seconds, and hear whispers from the dark corners, as though something were there; there probably are.

And I knew I was lost, fallen, to the atrocious plan and Diablo himself. And I knew that once I pass through the First Gate, I would leave a part of myself, the better part of it , behind as my soul began diminishing and twisting to suit the evil that burried itself inside of me. I knew I would leave my soul, my identity, and my very own existence behind me, forever...


A Prelude??? Maybe? Anyoen interested, just a random thought. Excuse the run-ons, too lazy to make it good. Any comments?

[Gdog4evr]

I didn't even read your story, only the opening paragraph and your intro. I think I have a few words of advice that will help your tremendously.

If the story you're planning on writing is just going to be the seven classes going through the acts, then your best bet is to stop now. Writing something that is about equal to just playing the game is a lot less interesting than just playing the original game, and reading your story won't give us skill points.

That being said, that is a pretty decent piece of writing, and it does something that is very good: It exposes a point of view that isn't quite revealed in the game. The last thoughts of the dark warrior before being turned over to Diablo. This is the sort of thing you want to focus on: Things that relate to the game, but arn't necesarily covered in the game. For example, a very good piece of fan fiction was written about the sailing trip between Act 2 and Act 3, featuring a druid. Try to focus on things we don't already know; some quick brainstorm ideas to help you get started include:

~What is the true nature of the dark warrior, before and after Tristram?
~What happened to the Sorcerer and the Rouge from DI?
~What was Deckard Cain like in his youth?
~How come not wearing pants can help you shoot a bow (amazons, rouges, obviously)?
~What is it with Necromancers anyway? Seriously?
~How bad is Anya going to burn me for dumping on necromancers?

And if you really feel the need to trot through the game in writing form, have some kind of originality with it; don't use the original characters, make your own. Create a new class, find alternate ways to do quests, heck, have a Fallen or something go try to kill Andariel, that'd at least be interesting.

So, short version is: Don't take the easy path with what is already known. Explore the DII universe, break a few rules if it really suits your purpose, and above all, enjoy yourself.

[RevenantsKnight]

Hrm...I’ve never seen anything told from the perspective of the Wanderer before, so this certainly caught my interest. However, as I read it, I realized why I hadn’t seen something like this before: just about everything we know about the Wanderer indicates that he’s nowhere close to this coherent when he walks out of the cathedral. Me, I’m taking the voice-over in the preview clip to be wrong, given Cain’s account of the man, which can be found in the Diablo II manual or in The Dark Library’s archives. Promotional things such as that preview are, after all, designed prior to the game's completion, so I view them as possibly (and usually) inaccurate. Given that, my central question is this: why is he this sane if Diablo’s already controlling him?

Other than that, this looks like a possible opening for a story. I second Gdog4evr’s suggestions to steer around the game itself, and wander a bit in the world of Diablo. And have some fun with it. Some specific suggestions:

After defeating Diablo in the town of Tristrum, I found safety and haven in that dusty old town, a home, as many would call it.

That’s spelled “Tristram.”

As the town of Tristrum disappeared from my horizon, I hope to find peace as I travel with a trading caravan.

This sentence isn’t parallel; “hope” should be “hoped” since “disappeared” is in the past tense. Also, I’d change “as I travel” to “by traveling”

I had no where to go, no home to return to, no family to see, I had simply lost all sense of direction.

“Nowhere” is one word. Also, the comma after “see” should be a period or a semicolon, since the following clause is complete on its own.

A question lingers in my mind : Where will I go?

You don’t need a space between “mind” and the colon.

I can simply not go on, I am on the edge of sanity, I will go mad soon.

Each of these clauses is complete; this may as well be three separate sentences. Use semicolons or periods instead of commas between them. Also, the first one should read “I simply cannot go on.”

To where? You might ask, for I myself still find the question unanswerable.

It feels like you’re missing something between “you might ask” and the rest of the sentence. If you rewrote it to something like “...might ask, and I would have to reply, ‘I don’t know,’ for...” then it would feel logical.

The nightmares worsened as minutes, seconds go by, and I simply could not bare it.

If you’re using “worsened,” “seconds go by” should be “seconds went by” to remain parallel. Also, “bare” should be “bear.”

Maybe it was the soulstone of Diablo that I carried with me, for it locked the very existence of the Lord of Terror within, very haunting, yet filled all men close to it with a lust toward power and domination.

This feels like the Wanderer knows perhaps more than he could possibly have discovered over the course of the first Diablo. It’s a little too omniscient, if you get what I’m saying.

As I edge closer toward the Sightless Eyes, the very encampment of the Rogues, I recognized my direction, it was the East.

The comma after “direction” should be a semicolon or a period.

And I fear much, and the fear had came true, the dreams had foretold it.

“I fear much” doesn’t make sense with “had came true” and “had foretold”; I’d recheck the tenses you’re using here and revise.

We have all being tricked by Diablo, the Lord of Terror, for Tristrum was merely a ruse, a guile, to a greater quest and goal.

“Being” should be “been,” and “a guile” is not really a synonym for a trick or a ruse.

I can feel the lust for power strengthen at every passing seconds, and hear whispers from the dark corners, as though something were there; there probably are.

That should be “second,” not “seconds.” Also, “as though something were there” could be a lot more vividly expressed, which would really help draw the reader in.

And I knew that once I pass through the First Gate, I would leave a part of myself, the better part of it , behind as my soul began diminishing and twisting to suit the evil that burried itself inside of me.

...the First Gate? This needs some explanation, or it just sounds like you’re throwing in random names. Also, “buried” has one “r.”

Anyway, I’m curious as to what else you had in mind. Thanks for posting!

[RebirthOfMak]

Nice Job

Mak~

[Arkuss]

Don't be hard on him for his story. Not everyone is perfect and has perfect grammer and such. If you can read it clearly then its good enough i say. :thumbsup: is what i give your story.